Sunday, June twenty seventh, two thousand and four
Listening: Darkest Hour- Save a Prayer

errrrr, darkest hour was supposed to play at the foundation in late june, but it was postponed until october because they are doing ozzfest right now, puh. i was really looking forward to them too. darn
the concerts im going to this summer are...
John Mayer
Warped Tour
Mike's band, (i dont know their name...) at the Last Class

i of course am most looking forward to warped tour, its going to be sooooo good!

i just spent the last couple of hours cleaning my room, and now it is spotless. so bravo to me. my only incentive to continue cleaning was that my dad said he would give me 50 bucks to spend at chapters, and there are so many books i want to buy. well actually, only a few. my top is The Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, about drugs and stuff, my brother has the movie, but i havent actually sat down and watched it yet. like how i havent watched The Return of the King, of the final Matrix. its just so much effort, and i would probably fall asleep anyways.

tonight i think im going to baileys to swim, and chill with rebecca and lauren henderson. it should be fun, at least I HOPE it will be fun. yesterday was lees bon fire and im glad i didnt go. the only ppl there were lisa,alexei,sean,ashley and lee so i would have sort of felt left out. like all they did was smoke weed i think, and well...im not too crazy about weed. it makes me cough like mad. and besides, i dont think lee likes me, and if he does, he is doing a good job disguising it. i dont know, he just hasnt been that nice to me lately. im so glad adam didnt go yesterday and hook up with ashley irwin, i had my self convinced he was going to go, and i even got to the point where i didnt even care if they went out. tomorrow im going to toronto to go see a some battle of the bands, no doubt that the bands wont be that great. (oooh i forgot to add this one to my CONCERTS list). johne's band was originally playing, but they broke up for whatever reasons...probably "creative differences". we are also shopping, but its not like i have any money to really spend.

but im off, im going to go eat some food
SAM*

Thursday, June twenty fourth, two thousand and four
Listening: Death Cab for Cutie- Lightness

ah hey, its 12 13 and i was just reading "Go Ask Alice", the real life diary of a drug addict, its pretty good. probably because its all non fiction, so it makes you think. i had the most horrid thought this morning. my dog ran away and i was searching for him in my backyard, and the first thing i thought was "how many days do you think i would have to mourn before i could go out?"...that isnt normal, especially from me. i dont know why i thought that, and its absolutely morbid and just thinking about thinking that is making me feel horrible.

two days ago we went biking to the beach, and then up to the government docks. it was so much fun, but my crotch is killing me. we first just chilled at the beach, played some football (i suck, but I AM going to improve, i have too) and then biked to the ice cream place where i got cotton candy icecream soooo good. after we went walking through the ponds at sunnidale, and through the fountains by the water front. it was brilliantly fun! if i saw us from a distance, i would have said we were so dumb and immature, but it really doesnt matter. after we went biking all the way to the governemnt docks, AND MY CROTCH IS KILLING ME! i thought it felt like i had sex for the first time, BUT NO it feels like i got raped for the first time, so much pain and im probably bruised. as we were riding i kept screaming "I NEED A BREAK, I NEED A BREAK" and moaning and groaning and i probably sounded so dumb but oh boy, i really needed that break. not that my legs were super tired, it was my crotch that was in need. after matthew gave me his bike, and it was like heaven. It was like you were being raped by some crummy drunk man, and then you switched to having sex with the love of your life. We went back to leannas and swam

yesterday, michelle and i volunteered at jackies moms school, where we chaperoned these kids on their field trip. ughhh, it was so boring. my pelvic discomfort made the movie worse that it already was. we got 7 hours of community service, which i guess is ok.

im off though, im really hungry. i think i will eat, its now 12 28, but i havent been writing straight. i sort have been reading inbetween.

see yah later
SAM*

Tuesday, june twenty second, two thousand and four
Listening- the early november, something that produces results

well, well, well its 12 12 and i am now out of bed. soojin phoned me way too early at 11 ish, and when i was only grunting yes or no with her questions, she figured it was too early to talk to me and told me she would phone me later, good. but i couldnt go back to sleep because i kept thinking of awful things right before dozing off, things i wouldnt want to dream about so i forced myself to stay awake. awful things not worth typing here

we might go to the beach today, but its up for discussion. it isnt supposed to be THAT nice out, and it might rain, but if the skies are clear i dont see any harm in going. we can just lie on the beach, or whatever.

i think im actually over adam. yah i still think he is so hawt, and what nots, but i dont think i actually REALLY like him, for him. i think i know the point where i stopped liking him for his dry sense of humour and his shy demeanor, its when he started working out, and i never saw him at lunch. so probably around february, where i only liked him for his gorgeuous body, and great hair. i think i just made him seem better than he was, because its easier to obesess over looks than actually get over someone. maybe im finally getting the closure that rachel and i only dreamed of for me. yah, he is still hot, but i know he is a boring jerk who isnt worth my time. And sure, i am aware that when i go to seans party this weekend, and see him, i will go all googly eyes, and when i see him with other girls i will feel like testing my self defense skills, but that is something i will just have to deal with. and heck i know i will get drunk just so i can hit on him all night without feeling guilty, or any other suspician. but through all of us, through all my schemes to call him, and to swim at his house i know deep down that i am over him. and thats really the only thing that matters.

sam*

Fathers day!
Listening: dashboard confessional, vindicated

ahhh, its been such a long time since ive written here. im not sure why i stopped, i just thought it was pathetic to pour my heart out to a computer. so instead i just kept things bottled up inside, and just thought real deep about things. i didnt draw any major conclusions from my deep thoughts, just more confused accusations. so im back to write out my life for you (and when i say you, i mean michelle)...

so, school is over, im sooooo happy! well sort of. im going to miss ppl. school is such a good social activity, god im going to miss that aspect. of course the annoying teachers, and endless ISUs and science labs make me happy school is through! but it just seems so much easier opening up a paragraph about school saying "YES ITS DONE" then "ahhhh i miss it!". and in the end, everyday felt the exact same, every day i did the exactly same routine..

civics- annoy whole class by talking to justin extra loud, thinking about how hungry i am
science- most awaited class, science..with adam. our best subject was always chemistry..
drama- fake laugh with jason and lee (it got quite beleivable), dodge Richard and Neil
lunch- veggie pizza and selected drink, library
english- talk with graham, have a countdown to when school is over

and then it was done. the same every day, rarely changing. yah sometimes i got the poutine instead of the pizza, and even somedays i actually fed geuinine laughs to jason and lee, but on the most part it was the same.

all of our friendships are falling apart. like i said before, beginning of the year, when the whole elyse and i battle for adam thing was happening...we are such a bunch of phonies. well, not so much anymore. before we just ignored the fact that we were disfunctional, and now we acknowledge it, but do nothing. so it makes you think which one is really worse? or if there is even really a difference? it makes me so mad how no one tells anything to anyone, and you have to find out all of lifes secrets from the 2nd degree friend. i think i went through the degrees before, and i havent, i will later. its so stupid how ppl cant be honest with eachother. and its not that ppl are deliberately lying to eachother, no thats not it, its the fact that no one lets eachother into their lives. and maybe, im just naive too, how i bash and rash here, what no one reads (again, except dear michelle, god bless her lol). i guess the smart thing for me to do would just to tell everone how i feel, but its not worth the energy. not that i dont think our friendship is worth anything, its just that i have tried and gotten now where, so what will one more time do? maybe i should do an exposee on this
"HONOUR ROLL STUDENTS: their secret lives within lies" of course i would think of a better, brilliant title, but for now...that will do.

and im off, not like a prom dress, or a moped, just off.
SAM*

May something, two thousand and four
Listening: Death cab for cutie, passenger seat

ahhh, long time no see.
lets do a quick recap
-got high for the first time
-got drunk twice
-only got a 78 on my english ISU
-track meets, made it to zones,GBS, and ofsaa regionals
-lee supposedly likes me
-i still like adam, sort of.
-now im infuatuated with my sprinting god Jeff Hicks, and Shelby
-still failing civics quizzes
-was elected grade 11 rep
-slacking so much in science and just school in general
-school is almost over

ok, i have hw to do seeeee yah!

March third, two thousand and four
Listening: Outkast-Roses

yesssss, done english ISU! i was up until 12 30 finishing it, ugh. once i get enough motivation to start something, i could go for hours, im lucky that way. its just getting the motivation to start, that takes forever. im fairly smart, in the sense that i can trick my mind a lot. i can just tell myself something, and i will beleive it. its sort of like im a schizophrenic, but im not. as a kid i wanted to have mulitple personalities. it would sort of be rad. if you had a few good personalities. i would hate it if i was finally schizo and i had one bad dominating personality, that over ruled the other ones, now that would suck. i think it would be cool if you were a schizophrenic and you wrote a book, and the different personalities would reflect through the writing, now that would be cool.

I just called me parents in the hopes that they will go and buy some new books for me, but alas they werent in a book buying area. future shop to be precise. anywho, i want to buy the books
1) sixteen, megan mccaferty's new book!
2) the da vinici code, heard raving reviews!

but im offffff, going to play tennis! im surprisingly in the mood!
see yah later!!
SAM*

May second? two thousand and four
Listening: Weezer- El Scorcho!

"god damn you half japanese girls, you do it to me everytime, oooo the red head said to shred the chello, and im jello baby"

soooo its 11:04, and im already doing hw and ooooh man i just want it all to disappear. its so lame i hate hate hate hate it so much! actually, i dont hate english, i hate being a procrastinating petunia. the journal im writing sucks right now so much, its annoying and its not even funny. so far my best joke is...
"....When someone is done drinking Mountain Dew, after is it called Mountain Did?"
OOO ZING!
har dee har har.
damn.

last night i went out with jannah and drew, even though i vowed to stay inside and finish all my homework, and nooooow im suffering because i still have 3 days worth of homework to do and only one dreary sunday. this blows, more than...*insert oral sex joke here*. but oh well, on friday i didnt go to lee's and as jackie says "chronic it up!", no instead i went to the mall and bought...
>a purse
>a new cd, BEN KWELLER
>a shirt, a little ragtags
they are all rad fads, something a cool tool would buy!

anyways im gone, i need to finish this killer journal
(killer meaning bad, not good)
SAM*